Post #1 Rules 1-10

To all who will be reading, or not be reading this here are my first ten "Fat Guy Rules". (do not think that just because it says fat "guy" doesn't mean that you ladies are exempt from this)

Rule # 1
EAT...A LOT!!
This rule is the simplest and most easy of rules to follow, and if you have not been following this rule you must first, check you pulse and second, do not even think about giving yourself the honor of calling yourself fat, and third change your skinny ways and join the fat side!

Rule # 2
YOU MUST PASS THE GRASP AND SHAKE TEST!!
For all of you who don't know what the Grasp and Shake Test (GST) is, here are three simple steps:
1. Place hands on The Gut.
2. Grasp The Gut.
3. Shake The Gut.
If you passed this very complicated test, The Gut should have been Grasped with your whole hand, and not just the tips of your fingers.  If you shake The Gut and you can Shake without loosing your Grasp, you passed.  To fail you would have only grasped the skin and not The Gut, and when you shake you would have had to loose you grasp and no jiggle was present.

Rule # 3
THE DECISION BETWEEN RUNNING AND EATING SHOULD NOT BE A DECISION!!
If you ever have a feeling to run come up to your mind, shun it like the plague and eat a cheeseburger!!

Rule # 4
YOUR FOUR MAIN FOOD GROUPS SHOULD BE: MEAT, CHIPS, CANDY, AND DOUGHNUTS!!

Rule # 5
THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE SHOULD BE FOOD!!

Rule # 6
VEGETABLES SHOULD BE ONLY USED SPARINGLY!!

Rule # 7
DO NOT USE THE WORD "LESS" IN FRONT OF THE FOUR MAIN FOOD GROUPS!!

Rule # 8
YOU MAY GO ON A DIET, BUT YOU HAVE TO GO ON AT LEAST FOUR AT A TIME TO GET MORE FOOD!!

Rule # 9
SPEND AT LEAST 6 HOURS ON THE COUCH!!

Rule # 10
WHEN AT A POPULAR SUB-SANDWICH SHOP AND THEY ASK YOUR FOR VEGETABLES TELL THEM TO PUT MORE OF THEIR MEAT ON!!