To all who will be reading, or not be reading this here are my first ten "Fat Guy Rules". (do not think that just because it says fat "guy" doesn't mean that you ladies are exempt from this)
Rule # 1
EAT...A LOT!!
This rule is the simplest and most easy of rules to follow, and if you have not been following this rule you must first, check you pulse and second, do not even think about giving yourself the honor of calling yourself fat, and third change your skinny ways and join the fat side!
Rule # 2
YOU MUST PASS THE GRASP AND SHAKE TEST!!
For all of you who don't know what the Grasp and Shake Test (GST) is, here are three simple steps:
1. Place hands on The Gut.
2. Grasp The Gut.
3. Shake The Gut.
If you passed this very complicated test, The Gut should have been Grasped with your whole hand, and not just the tips of your fingers. If you shake The Gut and you can Shake without loosing your Grasp, you passed. To fail you would have only grasped the skin and not The Gut, and when you shake you would have had to loose you grasp and no jiggle was present.
Rule # 3
THE DECISION BETWEEN RUNNING AND EATING SHOULD NOT BE A DECISION!!
If you ever have a feeling to run come up to your mind, shun it like the plague and eat a cheeseburger!!
Rule # 4
YOUR FOUR MAIN FOOD GROUPS SHOULD BE: MEAT, CHIPS, CANDY, AND DOUGHNUTS!!
Rule # 5
THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE SHOULD BE FOOD!!
Rule # 6
VEGETABLES SHOULD BE ONLY USED SPARINGLY!!
Rule # 7
DO NOT USE THE WORD "LESS" IN FRONT OF THE FOUR MAIN FOOD GROUPS!!
Rule # 8
YOU MAY GO ON A DIET, BUT YOU HAVE TO GO ON AT LEAST FOUR AT A TIME TO GET MORE FOOD!!
Rule # 9
SPEND AT LEAST 6 HOURS ON THE COUCH!!
Rule # 10
WHEN AT A POPULAR SUB-SANDWICH SHOP AND THEY ASK YOUR FOR VEGETABLES TELL THEM TO PUT MORE OF THEIR MEAT ON!!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Hello Fellow Fat People!!
Dear Readers,
Today I was walking around the bookstore and saw a section on "Weight Loss". I Decided to look around this section of books and found a whole shelf that had "RULEBOOK FOR OBTAINING OPTIMAL WEIGHT". I thought to my self why is there no "Rulebook for Obtaining Fatness". Now before you start to think that being fat is unhealthy, gross, repulsive; think to your self, is it really worth starving yourself to be healthy and only to find that you end up with some kind of cancer later on in your life, and all that hard work is wasted. This book section had sparked the idea to make a "Fat Guy Rulebook". No I am not trying to steer away from being healthy, I am only having some fun and to realize that people need to think about what they are doing to consider themselves fat. So over the next few months I will post at least 10 new rules that qualify yourself as fat. So the next time you look into the mirror and think you are fat you must have passed all of the rules of the Fat Guy.
Sincerely, Fat Guy
Today I was walking around the bookstore and saw a section on "Weight Loss". I Decided to look around this section of books and found a whole shelf that had "RULEBOOK FOR OBTAINING OPTIMAL WEIGHT". I thought to my self why is there no "Rulebook for Obtaining Fatness". Now before you start to think that being fat is unhealthy, gross, repulsive; think to your self, is it really worth starving yourself to be healthy and only to find that you end up with some kind of cancer later on in your life, and all that hard work is wasted. This book section had sparked the idea to make a "Fat Guy Rulebook". No I am not trying to steer away from being healthy, I am only having some fun and to realize that people need to think about what they are doing to consider themselves fat. So over the next few months I will post at least 10 new rules that qualify yourself as fat. So the next time you look into the mirror and think you are fat you must have passed all of the rules of the Fat Guy.
Sincerely, Fat Guy
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